http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vM2qu-x7yYc
I heard this song today for the first time... and it brought me to tears... I have spent the last 6 weeks with Elijah not really getting the FULL realization of what having a child means. Everyone talks about "that overwhelming feeling of love" when your baby is born. But i didn't feel that. . . I thought at first that I was broken. Maybe I didn't love Elijah like i was supposed to...
BUT i know now that it wasn't that I didn't love Elijah, or it wasn't that I was a bad mother because I wasn't brought to tears by the very sight of my son. I have just always loved him all along. I had many dreams of Elijah before he was born, and in my dreams I could see him VERY clearly almost like i was watching a video, or even staring at him directly. It didn't feel overwhelming because in my heart and mind he's always been here with me.
When he was born i looked at him for the first time and he looked EXACTLY, and i mean EXACTLY like he did in my dreams... so I guess it wasn't weird for me to see him for the first time, or to hold him because I had been holding him and looking at his precious face for the past 9 months already!
Anyway so this post probably doesn't make sense to a lot of people, but I was just thinking about Elijah (he's at Grandma's right now spending some quality time with Grandpa Roger and the Rocking chair :) and I realize what everyone was talking about by that feeling I was "supposed" to feel when he was born. . . but apparently I'm the opposite of everyone else-- I feel it when he's not here for me to hold or to look at, and I didn't feel it for the ONLY time when he was born... which in my opinion is better to feel overwhelmed with love ALL of the time, rather than just at that instant in which he was born...
OK i'm off to go pick up the love of my life because I miss him :)
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1 comment:
I know exactly what you mean. I never had those tears at their births either, because I already loved them. Those tears came later over little, silly, big, and serious things. Each one was the same. It's a wonderful feeling to already love somone you've just met :)
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